Doorly’s Survival Guide to Ibiza

Our main man DJ Doorly sure gets about. Aside from jet setting around the world DJing, hanging out with his Radio 1 mates, Jaymo, Andy George, Annie Mac and Zane Lowe collectively, he’s rather clued up on the dos and don’ts of Ibiza. So we got him to share some of his top tips to surviving your stay...

Tell us a bit about yourself Doorly. I'm a DJ, producer, bingo caller, bearded lady... and the world’s tallest dwarf.

You DJ all the over the place, go on name drop, who do you like to Hang with? Mel Gibson DJ with? Danny Dyer Avoid?! Radio 1 love rat Andy George

Tell us your Ibiza do’s and don’ts? Don't make eye contact with the Ibiza police or Guardia. Do high five me when I'm DJing. (Or flip me off if you don't like me!)

Where’s the best place you go to catch some ‘rays’? I really like the golden sands outside the Ibiza Rocks Bar at the bottom of the West End. Where else can you eat a kebab at 9am, buy an authentic Armani watch from a nice African gentleman and watch a seventeen year old couple romance each other under a towel, all for under €5!

Where do you go to get a dirty burger or kebab at the end of the night? I go for the healthier and easily more nutritious option, and look for roadkill on my way home. I’ll then grill it, and have it in a pita with a bit of salad and some alioli that I stole from David’s.

You’re in a taxi but the driver doesn’t speak any English. How do you make sure he doesn’t rip you off or drop you nowhere near where you’re staying? Like there's an option! Let's face it, once you get in one of those white cars and the door shuts, you could literally end up anywhere they decide to take you and it will cost you what they deem fair (+ an extra €3 once they stop and press that magic button that adds on €3) I see it as an adventure when I'm bored, but I'd never use the Ibiza taxi service if I actually wanted to go somewhere in particular, by a certain time and within a budget!

What do you do/say to avoid the queues? I prefer to queue, for as long as possible. I usually ask a friend to take my record bags into the club for me so nobody spots me and tries to walk me through; I hate it when that happens.

How do you get rid of the annoying drunk that decides to tell you his life story without offending, resulting in a hurled tirade of abuse? I just say "Go home Dad, you've had too much. Why do you keep coming to Ibiza all the time and telling me your life story? Shouldn't you be at work? Can't we just catch up over the phone like every other father and son?"

What song do you listen to over here to get you in the mood for... Going out? Panpipe Moods, track five Lurve? Black Beauty theme tune Travelling around? Lassie theme tune By the pool/on the beach? Dj Sammy (album)

You’ve ended up red raw from too much sun exposure, what do you do to numb the pain? Pour Tabasco sauce in my eyes to take my mind off the pain.

What’s your top hangover remedy? Never stop drinking and the hangover will never get you!

You’ve come to the end of your stay in Ibiza. You’re down to your last €20. What do you spend it on? A pack of those naked playing cards (but the male ones) A box of tissues Some moisturiser And a candle There’s a baby screaming on your plane back to the UK.

You’ve got the hangover from hell and haven’t slept in two days. What do you do? Scream louder!

Posted by Gabby at 12:43